I don’t care how controversial this may sound or if I lose respect from people for sharing my honest opinion, but it’s something that I’ve wanted to get off my chest.
“Respect your elders” and “respect is earned not given” are two phrases that everyone has heard of.
However, for me, these are two phrases that have always clashed with one other.
The question in my mind has always been, “If respect is earned, then why do I have to automatically respect my elders if they haven’t earned my respect”?
Respect is definitely a very important factor in my life, and I assume, a significant factor in the lives of many others as well.
I ask myself this question often because throughout my life, there have been numerous times were my elders were not deserving of my respect.
If you disrespect me, then why should I respect you, even if you are older than me?
The answer to that question can be a bit blurry. If we follow the “respect is earned not given” statement, then I don’t have to respect my elders, unless they have earned my respect.
A lot of adults take for granted that those who are younger than them need to respect them. But that’s where they are wrong. They assumed that because they are their elders, they deserve to be shown respect.
So, let me ask you this. If someone who is older than you is treating you like you are a piece of shit and belittling you constantly, are you going to be able to respect them?
For me, the answer is simple. Absolutely not! How can I respect someone who has not shown me an ounce of respect? I can’t!
I definitely agree that respecting your elders is something that everyone should do, but on one condition: if that respect is reciprocated.
The same goes for me. Right now, I’m 21 years old. I have cousins that are much younger than me; I have friends that are younger than me as well. If we go off the “respect your elders” belief than I should expect that those above mentioned people should automatically respect me. However, that shouldn’t be the case. If I want their respect, then I have to show them respect in return. I can’t belittle them and hurt them and then expect them to respect me just because I am older than them.
Respect in itself is a very complex word to comprehend. Respect can’t just be handed out to whoever you meet and it can be lost much easier than it is gained. Therefore, age should never be a factor for whether or not you should respect someone. You should respect a person whether they are 3 years old, 21 years old, 50 years old or 84 years old.
Reciprocity.
We’ve heard the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”.
Nevertheless, never expect! Just because you respect someone, don’t expect them to respect you in return. But by showing them respect you are the “bigger person”.
Just because society tells you to respect your elders, don’t take the phrase at face value. Dig a little deeper. Ask why? Ask yourself why should I respect this person?
Just because someone is older than me, it doesn’t give them the right to look down on me, call me names, treat me like I don’t know anything and in return, expect and anticipate that I show them respect.
Is this something you’ve thought about? If so, let me know and we can definitely discuss this further.
I’m not saying don’t respect your elders. That’s not the message I’m trying to put out.
Combine those two popular phrases, because they shouldn’t function alone, they should function as one.
The phrase should read: “Respect your elders if they have earned your respect”.
Questions and Doubts 
Couldn’t agree more Nerses. In the Pakistani culture, a major emphasis is placed upon respecting your elders regardless of the way they treat you. I’ve found myself at odds with elders many times and my mom has tried to hush me saying that I should respect them and their opinions. ABSOLUTELY NOT! One should never give in due to age for any reason. You gave me a new perspective on interacting with the elders. Good work.